Marriage: Christ & the Church

Ephesians 5:22-33 “Marriage: Christ and the Church”

The last two weeks we have looked at God’s view of human life. Every life is precious and deserves protection because we are made in the image of God. We say to our culture: abortion is wrong. It is murder. It is evil. NO. But, at the same time, we say YES: all life is precious, and we will love our neighbors, whether they are the unborn babies or their mothers.

The same “NO, but, YES” should happen with marriage. NO: same-sex marriage is wrong. It is sin, it goes against God’s creation design. NO: sex outside of marriage is sin. But we also, say YES. Marriage is God’s grand design for human flourishing. It is between one man and one woman for life. Families, not merely individuals, are the building blocks of society. Even more than that, marriage shows to the world Christ’s covenant love for his people. When you twist marriage, you twist the display of the gospel.

Part of my responsibility as your pastor, is to equip you to serve Christ in every part of life. This is why I have spent 2 weeks on the sanctity of human life, to give you the Bible’s foundation to engage our world in this area…to help you become a better neighbor. The same is with these messages of marriage. God’s Word has very significant truth when it comes to marriage, the family, and the home. My desire is for us to understand and live out biblical marriage.

I have made up some slides to illustrate what I’m saying. First, here is the typical view an American might have of themselves. I am at the center of my world. God, the church, my family, my job, and my hobbies exist for my happiness and self-fulfillment. My church and my family are good as long as they help me achieve my goals in life. This is the kind of view of self that we must crucify every day of our lives. Because of sin, we are selfish creatures.

One the purposes of church, is to weekly flip that view on its head. We gather together to say that Christ is the center of all things, including our lives. We gather together because we know that God is accomplishing his plan through the church, not through free-range people. We are built up in Christ through our gathering. We are then launched from the assembly of God’s people into the world, into the work-place, and into our homes, where we strive to make Christ the center of everything of we do.

We go into the world to proclaim the gospel and love our neighbors. We go to work for the good of humanity, for the provision of our families, and to display Christ to the world. We go back to our homes, to display Christ in our marriages, and to make disciples of our children.

As we have looked at the sanctity of life, and now marriage, and want to make Christ the center of everything we think and do. I also, want to equip you for our weekly launch in the world, the workplace, and the home.

Back to marriage. We’ll be in Ephesians 5:22-33 for 2 weeks. Today I want to show you that marriage is not about you, but about Christ. Then, next week, we will look at headship and submission in the context of marriage.
Read Ephesians 5:22-33

Very simply, this passage breaks into a few simple parts.
-22-24- wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord
-25-32- husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church
-33- the summary of the husband and wives’ roles

I would like to start with where Paul ends his discussion: vs 32. Marriage is a mystery.

1. Marriage is a mystery (31-32)
Those of us who are married or have been married know that marriage is a mystery. After 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years, we haven’t exactly figured out what in the world our spouse is thinking! These mysteries often revolve around tooth paste tubes, the position of toilet seats, and eccentric snacking habits. But this is not the mystery Paul is talking about. He says: “this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” What, then, is this mystery? Some think it is the mystery of a husband and wife becoming one flesh. Others, suppose it is the relationship between Christ, the head of the church, and his body, the church.

A mystery in Paul’s writings, is the hidden plan of God now revealed in Jesus Christ. In Ephesians 3, the mystery is the church: that Jews and Gentiles can be in one body together. Here, the mystery is that marriage has always pointed to the relationship between Christ and the church. If you look at vs 31, it is a quote from Genesis 2 when God established marriage. The quote is used to prove that we as the church are members of Christ’s body.

God did not say: “now that I sent Christ to love the church and die for her, I need a good illustration. Ah, marriage will work. That will be good.” No. From the beginning of time, God had planned to use marriage to display Christ’s special love for the church. The OT people of God did not know it, but their marriages where displaying Christ’s love for the church. And, God did use marriage to illustrate his relationship with Israel.

Marriage is a part of God’s big story. If you were with us in SS, we talked about how the Bible is one big story with God as the main character and actor. The story of the Bible begins in a garden with a marriage, and ends in a garden with a marriage. We are familiar with the Genesis account we looked at a few weeks ago, but we fail to realize that it is pointing us forward to the New Jerusalem, where there we will be a tree of life, just like in the Garden of Eden. The marriage will not be between Adam and Eve, but between Christ and his church. Marriage is just one aspect of God’s great plan to redeem his people and bring glory to himself.

We can say, then: marriage is most definitely NOT about you. It has never been, nor will it ever be merely about your satisfaction and happiness. God did give humanity the gift of marriage for their happiness, and for their flourishing. But even as we enjoy the good gift of marriage, it points us past ourselves to something much bigger. And that is Christ’s undying love for his church.

Question: can unbelievers show forth Christ’s love for the church in their marriages? Think about it. You don’t hear married people saying: “I’m glad I married you. You’re great at producing children.” Or “marrying you was a wise financial decision. Together we can make more money.” Unbelievers can show true love to one another.

Yes, they most certainly can. Because of God’s common grace to humanity, an unbelieving man and woman can enjoy God’s good gift of marriage, and display the love of Christ. They don’t know it, but that doesn’t mean they don’t. Marriage at its root is given for that purpose. And where it exists, it points toward Christ in some degree.

2. Marriage shows we are loved beyond imagination (25-27)
Paul gives the commands for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. That is broken down in two parts. Verses 25-27 speak of Christ’s sacrificial love, and verses 28-32 speak of the unity or the “one flesh” relationship between Christ and the church. Both of these are to be imitated by husbands.

A. Love that sacrifices
First, Christ “gave himself” for the church. This is a word about sacrifice. Christ gave up his life because of his great love for the church. It was the cross that was the greatest demonstration of love. It was death that brought life. It was death that brings us the full force of Christ’s love for his people. Love is not merely sacrifice, but it is shown supremely in sacrifice.

B. Love that purifies
Christ’s love is not just static. It is not just shown. It is an unrelenting force that cleans us up from our sin. According to verse 26 we are sanctified: set apart from our sin and to God. We are cleansed by the washing of water with the word. Some people would see this as baptism, but the best explanation is that this cleansing is speaking about our cleansing from sin through the gospel message. You can write down Ezekiel 16:1-14 where this idea of washing with water is used about Israel, the bride of Yahweh.

C. Love that beautifies
The great news is that we are not only forgiven our sins, but we are also made righteous and are headed toward perfect beauty as the church. One day we will be the most brilliant, radiant, gorgeous bride imaginable. Made righteous, made perfect through Christ’s sacrifice. Our future is incredibly bright and absolutely amazing. It will blow our minds what Christ has in store for us. Yes, this is a rags to riches story. And it is absolutely true and even better than we can imagine.

D. Marriage is not about your rights, but forgiving like Christ
This is the kind of love that husbands are to show their wives. We give ourselves up for our wives. Every morning, we husbands must wake up, strap on our swords, and slay the dragon of self. Love is forgiving and forbearing like Jesus Christ. It’s not about your needs, your rights, and what you deserve. We deserve hell, and we get eternal beauty.
In marriage, we see our spouse as a follow sinner, and extend the same kind of grace that Christ extends to us. Get the sitcom marriages, get the self-help books out of your mind when it comes to marriage. Put there instead the bloody cross. Stop thinking of love tanks and perceived needs. Think of unrelenting grace pouring from our crucified Savior.

Just as Christ’s love has the effect of cleansing and beautifying us, it should be the husband’s goal, as well, to cleanse and beautify his wife. Except we cannot do that. Only Christ can. So, husbands, as a fellow traveler on the road of grace, we continue to assist our wives to look to Christ and receive his grace.

3. Marriage shows we belong to Christ (28-32)

A. Love that unifies
Paul continues to show this love of Christ in verses 28-32, but he focuses on how the church is the body of Christ. At first it seems almost crass how Paul is talking. “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.” It’s like the wife is a piece of property to be used at the husband’s whim. But nothing could be further from the truth. The command to love your wife as your own body shows the unity that a husband and wife have. The two will become one flesh.

The mysterious union of two into one, is not just about marriage. It is about how Christ is mysterious connected to all the members of his body. The two shall become one flesh is first not about marriage and sex, but first about vital connection of the church to Christ. Through his death, and through the gospel, we can be connected to Christ and belong to him.

B. Love that nourishes
Because wives are one flesh with husbands, they are to nourish and cherish their wives.
These words for nourish and cherish speak of a mother’s nurturing. It is tender, supportive, life-giving love. And the same way is with Christ. He cares for us spiritually. Everything we need for life and for godliness flows from our connection with him. He can’t forget us, or forsake. We are his body! You can no more accidently leave your appendages at home, than can Christ forget his church!

Marriage is a mystery that reveals the unceasing covenant love of Christ for his church. Christ’s love for us is a love beyond our imagination, a love that cleanses and beautifies, and a love that unites us with Christ.

Conclusion: [Marriage is both less important and more important than we think]

As we look at the perfect love of Christ, and the perfect union between Christ and the church, it could drive us toward discouragement. Folks, no marriage is perfect. My marriage is not perfect. Those of us who are married can look back and see where we failed, we can see where we struggle now, and feel the heartaches that every marriage will experience.
Then we think of all of us who have been effected by the bitter pains of divorce, the soul-wrenching agony of the death of a spouse, and wonder how this perfect picture of marriage fits into our lives. Those who are single wonder if they can experience this mystery this live if they have never been married.

The good news is this: marriage is less important and more important than we think.

1. It is less important
It is less important, because all marriages will end on this earth. I am always annoyed by all the wedding cards—even “Christian” ones—that speak of marriage lasting forever. Nope- that’s not happening. Marriage is temporary. In Matthew 22:30, Jesus says: “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Human marriage is not an ultimate reality. Think of this: Jesus, the most complete human that ever lived, never was married and never had sex.

It is vital for the church’s witness to proclaim God’s design for marriage and to model godly marriages for the watching world. But what we don’t want to do is to make an idol out of marriage. We don’t want people to think if they are not married—for whatever reason—that they have missed out on God’s plan for their lives. And that is not true.

We will all be married to Christ. Single, divorced, widowed, or married, we are the bride of Christ. And it will be a wedding unlike any you’ve ever seen. Marriage is less important than we think, because it is temporary. The real marriage is yet to come.

2. It is more important
Even though marriage is temporary, it is more important than we think. Because it points beyond us to Christ. It summons us to look at God’s grand plan to save his people through the perfect love of Christ.

The reason we get married is not because it’s the thing to do. We get married to display the glory of Christ to the world. The reason we stay committed to our marriage vows is not because of the kids or because it is merely the right thing to do. We stay faithful to the marriage covenant because we want to show that Christ’s love will never fail for his people. Our marriage covenant sustains our love. It is not love that sustains the covenant. Christ’s love will never fail us because he has made an unbreakable covenant with his people.

In other words, marriage displays the gospel. Healthy marriages invite people to see a glimpse of Christ’s love for the church. When we show grace to our sinning spouse, we point beyond ourselves to the grace of Christ. When we forgive sin, forbear with annoying habits, and sacrifice ourselves for our spouse, it makes Christ’s love look even more amazing to people around us.

Marriage is not about you. It is about Christ, and will always be about Christ.